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The Prosecution: One Friend's Perspective

Sometimes I'm recorded while I’m eating. It's jarring to spot myself on her Instagram – it’s like a jumpscare.

A close companion of 10 years, Marielle, calls herself the “creativity monarch”. It can be amusing for a bit, but it weighs on our relationship.

Being highly outgoing, she feels the need to document everything constantly. When we eat out, she says, “The phone eats first,” and snaps pictures with bright lighting, which makes me cringe. It's unpleasant when other people see her performing for the camera – I experience secondhand embarrassment. It also frustrates me because the food gets cold.

She's not quite an online personality yet, but she is trying to be. She creates video blogs about living in our city, her daily routine, and her work as a stylist. Her content is good, credit where it's due, but I prefer not to be dragged into it. On occasion she films me while I’m eating, or just accompanying her. Later, I appear on her Instagram later, and it comes like a surprise: I’ll have no makeup on, making a strange expression or photographed while eating. It’s uncomfortable.

Marielle also anticipates that I will to film her at inconvenient times. Sometimes I'm in conversation to another person, or we’ll just be spending time in the street. The dynamic feels like our friendship has turned into me serving as her free crew. She could easily employ someone if she wanted high-quality content. Upon mentioning my unease about this arrangement, she dismissed it. I've been invited to several industry functions, which was nice, but that doesn't compensate for all the energy I spend helping her create material.

I’m grateful that she has helped me with my career in design, but I don’t want our connection to become just a ledger of favours. I don't believe she’s fake or dishonest, but sometimes it seems that if the camera is out, we will start performing in a way that makes us look good for her channel.

Her directive is, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and film me smiling with another. It feels forced. It's crucial her to understand that our decade-long friendship still has boundaries. I enjoy being with her, but I also desire to experience it without being recorded, edited, or shared for an viewers. I’m not a accessory for her Instagram.

The Other Side: The Content Creator's View

I want my friend to see that the content we make together can get us a foot in the door.

I am passionate about shooting content. It's more than a hobby; it's integral to who I am. Producing content and sharing my life online enables me to show my personality and connect with people in novel forms.

I wouldn't label myself as a professional creator yet, but it's savvy to generate income from your interests. I admire people on TikTok who pull off that aesthetic of casual, DIY content creation.

Creating content is my interpretation of living actively: noticing the nuances, posting them with an audience that appreciates the art behind it. I never intend to make Beth uneasy. Bringing her to industry events was my way of offering access, giving her a opportunity to witness exclusive moments that could benefit her professional path too. That’s not leverage, it’s just being pragmatic.

I’d still take her to such functions even if she refused to assist me, but I desire her to see the benefits the work we make together can get us: a foot in the door. I know not all people enjoys being filmed, but often spontaneity is what makes material authentic. Appearing on video occasionally is part and parcel of being my friend. I would delete anything she requested, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don’t expect anybody to be my private videographer, but friends support one another in minor capacities. My assumption was filming a clip now and then would be enjoyable for her. Innovation flourishes in collaboration, and having my friend around makes projects lively and enjoyable. I don't compel her to participate in anything, and I would never intentionally embarrass her. But creating content jointly sometimes is part of how I document our shared experiences.

I value our friendship deeply and don’t want content creation to drive a wedge between us. I’m willing to find middle ground: like requesting permission before filming, and steering clear of angles that might make her self-conscious.

This isn’t about power, it’s about expressing my perspective while still considering hers. Clearly making content is not a substitute for real connection: it's merely part of how I experience life and I desire her to be included in a way that’s agreeable for each of us.

Outside Perspectives: Reader Opinions

Is it right for her to stop filming herself and her friend when they are socializing?

There’s nothing more excruciating than having a companion film you. I understand that it’s Marielle’s passion, but I don’t make friends come to my work. Perhaps she can find influencer friends to collaborate with. Given the dark, looming future of technology, human connections are the only thing we have – cherish them!
A respondent, 25

If you’re doing something professionally, it's unfair to expect your friends for assistance repeatedly, even if they have done it before. If Marielle loves creating, that doesn’t mean everyone around her is willing material. She needs to honor her friend's privacy.
Another reader, 26

Marielle might love producing videos and displaying her life publicly, but it isn't for everybody. It’s nice she has assisted her friend professionally, but she needs to listen to what her friend desires.
A commenter, 27

It sounds like you value each other, so hold on to that and make sure it’s the focus in your friendship. Create some real experiences, where true emotions are preserved, not digital scrapbooks. Even celebrities who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more privacy than it seems.
Sarah, 53

She seems to be not fully engaged nor authentic when she’s with Beth – she’s working. Both seem unsure as to what’s reasonable. The solution lies not in trying to change one another, but in each establishing defined boundaries around what is comfortable to them and determining if there is an mutually agreeable middle ground.
A final view, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

In an online poll: has she been exploiting their friendship?